I'm a 57-year-old man, and I used to be a porn addict. I started watching erotic magazines when I was a teenager, and by the time I was in my 30s, and because of the internet, I was addicted. I was watching porn every day, and it was starting to ruin my life, my mental health was impacted. I could not stop.
I was having problems at work and in my relationships. I was also struggling with anxiety and depression. I knew I needed to stop watching porn, but I couldn't seem to be able on my own. It was the peak time for Jenna Jameson, Nikki Tyler, and all the female pioneers of this industry, and their appeal was too much. And I thought, this would never end... what a fool!
But it happened, slowly as the age reached 50, my libido dropped every year a little more. And now I feel nothing, watching porn now, seems strange, I am at peace, most of these porn stars I used to watch have disappeared, the urge is gone.
Sure, it took some time, and I was eventually able to break free from my porn addiction. I'm now clean for over 2 years, and sure I realize how stupid it feels to be under the spell of this addiction, to be unable to control oneself, the sleepless nights, the social awkwardness, the obsession over some porn stars, the idiocy of it all is clear now, that the urge is gone, it is like a 'post nut clarity' that never ends. Aging was the solution, but it also has its bad side.
No, I'm not grateful that my libido dropped. Sure it helped to change my life. But it also means the decline to old age has started, and it is now crystal clear, that lots of time and energy were wasted over this illusion that is porn. That was something I wanted so bad, and now it feels empty. It feels like I am an eunuch in a harem, like I am unable to enjoy a meal in front of a buffet.
Here is a piece of advice for anyone who is struggling with porn addiction: don't be afraid to ask for help. There are people who care about you and want to help you get better. Talk to a therapist, counselor, or support group. You are not alone.
I wrote this piece almost 10 years ago
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