This feeling of being "Dead Inside"

No desire

It seems that I'm stuck again, don't know what to do - and don't feel like doing anything really either.
I've just realized that from my previous job I inherited a core belief that all customers are bad ; and this isn't helping me in my Freelance job.
I tend to refuse most jobs now - always a good excuse, but that isn't getting me nowhere
Or is it ?
I sure have plenty of time for  my own projects, things I enjoyed doing - except that lately, my enjoyment seems to be fading away.
I know my mood has changed, because video I used to enjoy watching - like Teal Scott's channel ; seems now boring. But how can this be ? Teal use to be for me the most joyful spiritual help.

Searching for meaning

Instead of searching for the root cause (I suspect something, but need this to mature a bit) ; I'm trying to look for a way to move away from this feeling of being utterly useless. Last night I couldn't remember my dream. It's like I haven't had one.
A dreamless night - that doesn't make sense.
Actually more and more things don't make sense.
It's like I'm back in my old way of looking at invoices and chores, and the repetition of days without the joy inside, without the will to learn new things - Everything seems to have lost his glitter.
I've been reading many self help books like "Feel the fear and ... do it anyway" from Susan Jeffers maybe that's the counter effect ?!
This feeling doesn't have anything to do with fears (or is it?)
More like a "why bother?!" mood about everything ; if I have to wait for something, what is it ?
Maybe that's my old unfulfilled desire to experience an OBE ?
But lately I felt that this wasn't that important - something else is dragging me down.
Maybe I'll just take a nap.

Incidentally, this : Dead Inside: The Roleplaying Game of Loss and Redemption by Chad Underkoffler - an infinity plus review: Dead Inside: The Roleplaying Game of Loss and Redemption