Falling in love again

Falling in love is one of life's most profound experiences. The first time it ever happened to me, I was eleven, and I found it quite a challenge to be in love.

On the surface, it's a journey filled with joy, discovery, challenges, and growth, but it can also involve feelings of shame, embarrassment, and self-doubt.

With age, as the experience of loving someone is more appreciated, I now cherish the moments and let the adventure of love transform my life.

Love truly opens my heart, broadens my horizons, and adds empathy and compassion to my days.

The person I am in love with does not love me back; she actually pushes me away. And that is fine. I realized that this experience is mine. She (let's call her 'Anne') does not have anything to do with it. It is just me being around Anne, seeing her, and having these feelings for her.

Of course, I was clear that I had a weak spot for her.

Reflecting on this whole new episode in my romantic life, I realize that Anne does not have to love me back; she is not bound to anything. What she did, (without knowing or realizing it), was trigger a deep sense of longing in me. She ignited that craving for human connection, and I fell in love with her.

But I don't know her well enough to commit to anything. She is an external expression of my desire to love someone. If I were pursuing her, being an insistent romantic dude always sending her messages or asking her out, she would freak out (as she should).

I enjoy the warm feeling of loving her in secret and acknowledge that I am open to meeting someone. I also recognize that the person I am looking for might have some personality traits I find attractive in Anne. Of course, I would prefer that special someone to be Anne, but I will not insist on it.

Confession

I feel sadness—intense, heavy, and very persistent sadness. The feeling is like glue; it covers almost all my moves and thoughts. It feels like all areas of my life are somehow connected through this sad feeling. I am at a loss; there is a general atmosphere of complete despair.

The only thing that brings me a little joy is when I walk outside. Otherwise, work and interactions just make it worse. It feels like nothing matters anymore. Maybe I have internalized the constant bad news: the world conflicts, the inflation, the doom and gloom. Even when I see people being joyful, I can only see the tears that will inevitably come later.

Why am I feeling this way? Why?

Cycles of growth, decay, and regeneration

The main idea is to be careful about what you want. Sometimes, what we think is good or what we hope for is just something we imagine. Problems exist all around the world, and many of them happen because of things we do to ourselves.

If it is not external threats who will simply contribute to the downfall of 'the good idea'.

    1. It starts with a good idea

As an Utopian vision, we could build a better community, a better World, if only we did this and that. 

    2. Issue starts to show up

    Internal dynamics and increasingly tyrannical tendencies or significant external threats. Mere nuisance; or symbolizing the external pressures that historically have challenged, invaded, or otherwise contributed to the decline of any order.

    3. Answers, and more effort up to a certain point

    Adding another layer of complexity to the founder's efforts, illustrating how isolation from perceived corruption doesn't necessarily shield one from conflict—it often follows or finds a new form in any human endeavor, particularly one that seeks to establish its own rule and order in a previously established system. 

The presence of these antagonistic forces helps to hasten the collapse of any good idea. 

Showing how external aggression interacts with internal decay to accelerate the fall of any Utopian project.

    4. Regeneration

    Some dude will then come up with a better idea and the cycle will continue. 

Private investigation

As usual 'Explore the fear'

Throughout the day, I engage in self-reflection, asking the pivotal question, "How do I feel?" This practice serves a dual purpose—acting as a reality check for my lucid dreaming journey and unveiling potential unease linked to deeper issues. Often, these concerns lurk in my subconscious. I then embrace silence, delving into contemplation to pinpoint the source of my discomfort. Once ready, I meticulously transcribe these thoughts onto paper until the distress dissipates, signaling my descent to the core of the issue.

Subsequently, I embark on questioning and challenging these thoughts and beliefs. Methodically, I flip them and visualize alternate scenarios, drawing inspiration from techniques I've acquired through Byron Katie's "The Work" and Teal Scott's "shadow house".

Then 'Uncover the belief'

When a thought inflicts emotional pain, I instinctively subject it to scrutiny, employing the probing inquiries from "The Work." I question its truth, explore my reactions when I embrace it, and keenly attend to my emotions. I've observed that if my thoughts revolve around "This should be different..." or "I want, need, should, or shouldn't...," I've hit a dead end. It signals a futile resistance to the reality of things. Through visualization exercises, I unearth an alternative perspective, experiencing a shift in emotions.

This process often unravels a concealed belief rooted in my past, a residue from childhood. It prompts me to initiate a clearing process, employing the recursive methodology of "The Work." The beauty lies in the unpredictable nature of this inquiry; each session unfolds with revelations I couldn't have anticipated at the outset.

Shadow work's essence lies in elevating awareness—becoming attuned to the thoughts governing my mind. It's an active stance against being deceived or passive in the face of the mental software I run.

2024 is a leap year

I always wondered 'how we came up with 12 months of alternate 30 and 31 days, and the February with 28 days and every 4 years'. 

Who could have invented such a strange system like this? the Gregorian calendar.

There might be a better system with year was composed of 13 months of 28 days each for example

But it has its own unique set of pros and cons compared to the other wacky system of calendar we currently use.

Historically, the Gregorian calendar was adopted in 1582, this entire wacky system is loaded with  historical records, religious holidays tied to specific dates, and ingrained cultural traditions. The cost and complexity of such a global shift would be immense.

Anyway, with 364 days in a 13-month system, there is still the need to account the extra day every four years. That means that is not even doing much improvement on that front.

Well, there are other strange rules we are following without questioning them... The metric system, why is an hour composed of sixty minutes? these are questions that keep me up at night.

Psychiatry and Capitalism: Unveiling the Impact on Mental Health

In today's world, the field of psychiatry stands at an intriguing crossroads with capitalism. It is essential to delve into the influence of capitalist ideals on mental health recognition and treatment.

How many people do you know are going into therapy to survive in an increasing inhumane world?

It is worth acknowledging that capitalism's influence runs deep within the realm of mental health. Many symptoms and problems that individuals face today stem from their internal struggle to reconcile the contradictions presented by capitalism. Depression, for instance, has become alarmingly common, akin to a collective experience of zoochosis (a form of psychosis that develops in animals held captive in zoos). Furthermore, numerous mental health concerns originate from the dissonance between societal structures and our innate human nature.

Rediscovering Our True Nature:

As a species, our essence lies in existing harmoniously with nature itself. Our natural inclination involves engaging in activities such as hunting, farming, creating, and embracing occasional idleness before eventually passing away. However, the ceaseless work demanded by capitalist societies starkly opposes this natural state. Deep down, we all intuitively recognize this disparity, and it is this struggle between our true nature and societal expectations that ultimately leads to the deterioration of our mental well-being.

To address this escalating crisis, it is imperative to challenge and overthrow the system that has poisoned our bodies and minds. While peaceful transformation is desirable, the consequences of inaction should not be underestimated. The path to healing lies in dismantling the deeply entrenched capitalist structures that perpetuate these issues. It is crucial to recognize that it is not the individuals who are sick, but rather the very system that governs our lives.

Conclusion:

The complex relationship between psychiatry and capitalism warrants careful examination. By acknowledging the undercurrent of capitalist influence within mental health recognition and treatment, we can better understand the challenges individuals face today. It is our collective responsibility to foster a society that aligns with our true natural state, embracing our inherent connection to nature and dismantling oppressive systems. Only then can we pave the way for a more compassionate and holistic approach to mental well-being.

Love energy

Orgone, also known as bioplasmic energy or life force, is a hypothetical universal energy field postulated by Wilhelm Reich in the early 20th century. Reich believed that orgone was the basic substance of life and that it was responsible for a wide range of phenomena, including health, vitality, and emotional well-being.

Reich developed a number of devices to capture and manipulate orgone energy, including the accumulator, a box-like structure filled with organic materials that was said to increase the concentration of orgone around it. He also developed the orgone gun, a device that was supposed to focus orgone energy on specific areas of the body to treat illness.

Reich's work on orgone was controversial from the start, and it was met with skepticism from mainstream scientists. His theories were criticized for being unscientific and for lacking empirical evidence. In the 1950s, Reich was arrested, charged, convicted and imprisoned, and his books and papers were seized by the government.

Despite the controversy surrounding his work, Reich's ideas about orgone have continued to be popular among alternative health practitioners and New Age enthusiasts. Orgone therapy, which involves the use of orgone energy to treat various ailments, is still practiced by some people today.

There is no scientific evidence to support the existence of orgone energy. However, the concept of orgone has been influential in alternative medicine and New Age spirituality.

Here are some general guidelines for making orgone pyarmids:

check https://www.orgoneenergy.org/blogs/news/how-to-make-your-own-orgonite-pyramid

Do you have one of those

The attributes of a bad leader:

Attribute of a Bad Leader
Lack of Communication
Poor Decision Making
Lack of Integrity
Inability to Inspire
Micromanagement
Lack of Empathy
Inconsistent Behavior
Lack of Accountability
Incompetence
Authoritarianism

Lack of Communication: A bad leader often fails to effectively communicate with their team members. They may not provide clear instructions, fail to listen to others’ opinions, or neglect to share important information.

Poor Decision Making: Bad leaders make hasty or ill-informed decisions that negatively impact their team or organization. They may lack critical thinking skills, ignore valuable input from others, or prioritize personal interests over the well-being of the group.

Lack of Integrity: A bad leader lacks honesty and ethical behavior. They may engage in dishonest practices, break promises, or manipulate situations for personal gain.

Inability to Inspire: A bad leader fails to motivate and inspire their team members. They may lack vision, fail to set clear goals, or be unable to rally their team around a common purpose.

Micromanagement: Bad leaders tend to micromanage their subordinates, excessively controlling and monitoring their every move. This behavior stifles creativity, undermines trust, and hampers productivity.

Lack of Empathy: A bad leader lacks empathy and understanding towards their team members. They may disregard individual needs, fail to provide support during challenging times, or dismiss concerns and feedback.

Inconsistent Behavior: Bad leaders exhibit inconsistent behavior, making it difficult for their team members to predict their actions or expectations. This inconsistency creates confusion and erodes trust within the team.

Lack of Accountability: A bad leader avoids taking responsibility for their actions and deflects blame onto others. They may not admit mistakes, fail to learn from failures, or refuse to address issues within the team.

Incompetence: A bad leader lacks the necessary skills and knowledge to effectively lead their team. They may be unable to provide guidance or support, leading to a lack of direction and poor performance.

Authoritarianism: Bad leaders adopt an authoritarian leadership style, where they exert excessive control and demand unquestioning obedience. This approach stifles creativity, discourages independent thinking, and undermines team morale.

Leveling up

 There are different theories about what this World is all about, I've head that some people think it is a prison, and we are somehow punished for something we did elsewhere, the entire reality is a prison, and that is the rational explanation as to why we are not allowed to visit other planets, and we have the feeling (which is false) that we are alone in this Universe, this would be explained by the fact that we are still very primitive in our development, spiritually we are still in our infancy.

A more optimist view would say that we are somehow here on Earth to learn, which would make this planet a School planet, and once we graduate we will be able to move forward and leave this cycle of reincarnations (which is an idea borrowed by Easter philosophies).

While we are here, we could be stuck in this mentality of accumulating as much money and material things as possible, to live comfortably, to respond to our fear of lack, of dying from hunger, or being outcast ... during our Human evolution we have been through wars, famine, terrible chaos, and great injustice, and we are all victims, and at the same time responsible for this on-going madness, because being involved in our mass hysteria, we forget that one day we will depart this place, we will die, and lose all the riches, the cars, the computers, the bank account, the houses, the devices we have bought, and what will remain is our soul...

This is not new, we all have heard that from Church, in a temple, from a guru, from some wise person, from a book, we all know that ... we have been warned, but we keep acting like we do not know.

There is an urgent need of leveling up, 

the enemy is ignorance, 

the enemy is fear,

we need to move on from that 

and the time is now

2023 Mantras

•     Remind yourself of how far you've come and all the good things you've achieved.
•     Think back to when you were in a tough spot, but still managed to overcome it.
•     Embrace the surprises and unpredictability of life, like a fish gliding in the endless flow of water.
•     Focus on enjoying the present moment and being grateful for what you have, such as a job, a home, and a peaceful place to sleep.
•     Most of our worries are often just imagined, so try to relax and appreciate what you have.

The response to a "black pill" argument

The general understanding given by despairing people, or so called 'black pill' is always around the idea that there is no hope, nothing matters, nothing makes sense, this could be funny (and Rick Sanchez is often quoted for this tirade) ... but thinking in this way, can be harmful, especially if you already are in bad shape, recently hit by life changing events, grieving, or recently unemployed, divorced, etc ...

And I will quote here a paragraph from the book by Viktor Frankl:

What was really needed was a fundamental change in our attitude toward life. We had to learn ourselves and, furthermore, we had to teach the despairing men, that it did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us. 

We needed to stop asking about the meaning of life, and instead to think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life—daily and hourly. Our answer must consist, not in talk and meditation, but in right action and in right conduct. Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual.

This is about looking at any situation, with the attitude of a space marine in Starcraft, and shouting:

• Commander?
• Standin' by.
•  Jacked up and good to go.
•  Gimme something to shoot!
•  Go go go!
•  Let's move!
•  Outstanding!
•  Rock and roll!

That will make the 'black pill' laughs, and then he will leave ...

Crushed between Boomers and Gen Z

The Baby Boomer Generation was born in between 1946–1964, and they are now (most of them retired) being children of Boomer's parent, was like being raised by people who grew up just after World War 2 ; their own parents having fought, or were heavily impacted by the war.

The Boomers childhood was then quite tough, not much show of affection, drastic punishments, discipline was no joke, the value of work, the value of goods were really the focus of this generation.

Later, the boomers benefited a kick from the post war economy, and the increasing technological advances, they were courageous, hard working, and life seemed easy. Having children was encouraged, and purchasing a home, a car, some land, etc ... was an accessible dream. Many boomers were sent to Vietnam. Some of them discovered the sexual liberation, some of them tried hallucinogenic substances, this generation was already aware of an ecological crisis in the distant future. Finding a job was not too difficult, and the Boomers usually had a career for life.

The Boomers gave birth to Generation X (born between 1965 and 1980) ; these kids had parents that were quite busy, mothers started to work as well, Television had a really important part in this kids childhood experience, but still they played outside, and were quite tough, it is the generation that was watching Rambo, Rocky, and military movies. This generation idealized being a soldier, a veteran.

Cold War was the phantom menace of Generation X ; great movies were made that are still around, and still plays a role in the collective subconscious ; Star Wars, Indiana Jones, etc ... the movie industry was blossoming, Gen X were a bunch of dreamers, visionary, well educated, and moving away from traditional religion, since Science was taking more and more importance in their daily life.

This Gen X created the next revolution - the computer industry took over, with the first PC in the 80s, after that the Internet took off, and while the ecological topic was starting to get noticed, the fossil industries were starting to realize the constant economic growth would not be sustainable... lots of divorce as well

There were open conflicts in Irak, Afghanistan, and many other places...

The Gen X gave birth to Gen Z born between the late 1990s and the early 2010s, already having kids was not much encouraged anymore, it was tough, sacrifice were to be made. We purchased in brick and mortar shops, and started to buy books on Amazon (as it was their initial niche) usually we would stay 5 to 10 years at our job, because of merging, lay off, or other reasons (burn out). 

Gen X were impacted by unemployment, AIDS, various mental health issue, depression, drugs, etc ... and Gen Z went deeper into these civilization illnesses, most of these became 'doomers', most of them are addicted to social media, instagram, porn, ... they always relies on their iPhone, or Android mobile phone to check information, find the best deal, relies on Uber for travelling, Tinder to find a partner, Amazon to purchase anything,

And now Generation Alpha born between 2010 and 2025 starts to discover an increase in the non addressed civilization curses, with COVID, overall depression, and War in Europe (Russia attacking Ukraine)

I am Gen X and my parents were tough, absent, divorced, and now my millennial kids (Gen Z) are also from a broken home and are heavily addicted to their mobile phone, internet, social media and are impacted with several mental health issues. It is quite a challenge to be crushed between Boomers parents, with their traditional values, and sometime narrow minded views on education, and Gen Z kids who are very demanding, not communicative (always on their phone), suffering from allergies, or various mental health issue (ADHD, bi-polar, ...) they seems so vulnerable, so fragile ....

Ah, well 

I think I am going to get a good cup of 

My audience

How do you end up here on my blog? 

probably via a google search, right? 

I'm not fooled, I know quite well, that once you (dear visitor reader) will have found the content you were looking for, you leave and never come back 

Which is why I post daily here, to engage with my audience while of course trying to keep my very attached girlfriend at bay (her name is 'depression' by the way).

Perception of God

My understanding of the concept of a God has changed over the years

When I was a child, the concept of God was introduced by the Catholic Church, my parents and family,

we all adhere to the idea of a God almighty that we had to fear, while he was really benevolent and kind to us, but from the reading of the Bible was also able to call upon us lots of calamities.

And God had a Son (Jesus) and Jesus was the bridge  between this all patriarchal God and us, the sinners, then there was the Holy Spirit, but the concept was difficult to visualize, ... 

There were chants, prayers, rituals and all that, and since I was a kid, and my parents seemed happy with the whole thing, I followed blindly. 

Later, I started to find the whole story quite challenging to accept, and I was also discovering other religions or Philosophies, like Taoism, Buddhism, Hinduism, Paganism, and older mythology including Greek, and Roman Gods, and the idea of a unique God just made no sense anymore.

From that point, God was a separate Judge somewhere up in the sky, that was the ultimate arbiter of the human activities, and would decide which one was worthy to go to Heaven, or would be sent to Hell.

This ideology was probably acceptable during Medieval time, and the concept of the all mighty God was more or less embodied by the Kings, and Queens, and the Bible was pretty much a brain washing device to have all the good workers being obedient and keep working while the noble blood was having a good time (or would kill each other).

The big problem was that in the early Christian time, there were miracles, there were people who would experience God action, and would be later able to perform miracles as well, cure illnesses, etc ... And from that I could understand that converting to Christianity made sense.

But nowadays, Science is performing miracles, cure illnesses, provides to the masses devices that enable us to communicate over continent, ... and the Holiness, the Gods, the cultural rites, are all there to offer an excuse for War in the middle East, pretty much.

We're doomed

 Here is what happened earlier, I am in a shared office and my duty is more or less to take care of the lunch facility ; which lately has become a little challenging because I do not know for sure how many we are going to be around the table.

There are the 2 regular (a couple) but lately their eldest son is also joining, he has just turned 18, and he may or may not join, won't call before, it is always a surprise.

Today, the regular left the office a little early and I assumed they would come back around noon, table was set, I had prepared one meal for 3 and extra rice, a salad, and there was a couple of leftovers from the day before. 

Then I heard someone entering the shared office, and it was their 18 years old son, let's call him 'Gil' he grabbed a few potato chips and started to check what was cooking, I left my seat, and greeted him. He barely acknowledge me, then went into the toilet with his phone, I checked the table, crumbs everywhere.

That already started to piss me off, but I said nothing, I knew the meal would be a bit too small of the 4 of us, after about 5 or 10 minutes he left the toilet, and started to serve himself a plate, I sit next to him, and served myself some salads, he made no comments, grabbed some more potato chips, I stand up to open the casserole, and noticed, that he took about half already, I took my share, and then he served himself another portion, and at this point I told him that the remaining would not be enough, and he just grunted  'they will manage' 

I was really embarrassed, this young dude, was depriving food from his own parents, and while he left the table leaving his dirty plate, and crumbs everywhere, he lied on the couch with his mobile phone watching funny videos, with his greasy hair and dirty socks, ...

We are screwed, if this is the new generation, it made me uncomfortable.

Fear and phobia

 Attempting to list many fears (and phobias)

- Death (Thanatophobia)

- Dark (as in fear of the darkness - Nyctophobia)

- Insects (entomophobia)

- being judged (Social anxiety disorder)

- being excluded (monophobia, isolophobia, or eremophobia)

- Loneliness (autophobia)

- Heights (acrophobia)

...

There are many more, and this seems already to show some patterns

At the very core of these fears is a fear of the unknown

And maybe the real cause of this fear, is to lose control

and to have to face the responsibility of losing control, and be liable for the consequences

What about the fear of taking responsibilities

The fear of having to tell the truth to someone you care about

The fear of hurting someone you love

The next step is to take notes of the 'strategies' that are created to get around these fears and as the lizard brain is only able to flee, attack, or freeze 

A standard strategy is to blame someone else

Another one is to ignore the problem

Another tactic is to fall into addictive patterns

Fear not being correctly addressed will become a source of interference 

There is a very important work that has to be done, to identify and work on our fears.

As we are not equal in our response to fear.

The bigger plan

youtu.be/y13xH4asyzY

From the channel 434

Underrated habit with great benefit

Walking every day for 30 minutes. 

It's such an easy habit, but such an underrated one!

Walking will clear the mind, and will help with problem-solving and contemplating. 

A secondary side effect is that it will put the body in action,  calming the mind

If the weather is good, you get lots of Vitamin D from the sun.

It is good cardio training.

Other benefits:

• Reduces stress and tension
• Helps you be more productive
• Helps you think better
• Helps you be more creative
• Maintains a healthy weight and loses body fat
• Prevents or manages heart disease, stroke, high blood pressure, cancer, and type 2 diabetes
• Improves cardiovascular fitness
• Strengthens your bones and muscles
• Improves muscle endurance
• Increases energy levels
• Improves your mood, cognition, memory, and sleep
• Improves your balance and coordination
• Strengthens the immune system
• Avoid using your car, and reduce carbon print

Follow the lead of past creative geniuses like Steve Jobs, Einstein, Asimov, Beethoven, Freud, Faulkner, Kafka, Hobbes, Descartes, Tolstoy, Hawthorne, Tchaikovsky, Darwin, and Dickens, 

They all loved to walk and it was in their daily ritual!

Also swimming, cycling, same type of good habits

and laughing absolutely essential

Learning how to say 'NO'

There is a phase during childhood when the toddler has to say 'No' repeatedly

To say 'No' is to learn to set boundaries correctly - to distantiate ourselves from the others.

The toddler is realizing he is not part of the mother anymore ; it is starting to become independent

This is very useful, and not knowing how to say 'No' will otherwise become a potential pain in the growing teenager, then adult

Why?

Because a functioning adult that is unable to say 'No' will be influenceable, will be constantly taken for granted - sure, he will appear to be kind. But inside this adult will feel like he is drained all the time, and most of his friends will noticed that he does not seem to have a personality.

And one day, he might explode in burst of angers, shouting after everybody - because he had enough.

This burst of anger are the sure signs of a long period of silent acceptance, silent resignation and many 'Yes' that should have been 'No'

The 'False Yes' is the worse ; and we all experienced it 

When asked if a friend can stay over for a night, but then stay for a week

When asked to help moving a couple of friends, while we know we had to take care of sorting out some business first

When going on a vacation with a couple of other friends, but we found ourselves paying for all the notes...

Having clear boundaries is the basis of an adult life

Psychic Vampires and being nice

I could never quite understood the proverb that 'nice guy finish last'

It has bothered me for years, and recently I have realized that 'being nice' is usually not understood quite well

See 'nice people' are usually influenceable, and they default to being nice, instead of setting up proper boundaries, that's a fact

Let's just have a scenario to illustrate what I'm trying to demonstrate;

There is Peter and he is a nice person, and there is Julia (a single mother) she is a bit intrusive and using her charm to get what she wants from men, and so Julia goes to Peter's place every day - they are friends, and she ask Peter for various items, food, money and sometime for services like repair, and sometime car rides etc ... Peter is playing nice, because unconsciously he thinks that someday Julia will return favors - but she never do that. And at some point, Peter is getting very angry and feels miserable afterward because Julia then acts surprised and cut all contact with him.

A person with proper boundaries will have set the social contract first, establishing proper relationship between Julia and Peter, she asks for money, saying it will be for a couple of weeks, Peter agrees but then after 2 weeks passes - he wants his money back.

In the second scenario Peter does not play nice - he asked for his due and this action will prevent Julia to go any further - setting proper boundaries, would prevent the situation to perdure, and surprisingly maybe would have shown Julia that if she wanted to set a valid friendship she might actually give something back from time to time.

Psychic Vampires - YouTube