The Way of Waking Up

On the waking up process :

Fulfilling requirements, sense of worthiness, inventing tests to delay the waking up.
But after all, deep down everyone knows.

I just discovered Alan Watts lecture on youtube, will post more as I listened to them.

Unemployed Man to the rescue

Lately I've started a morning ritual - it involves some cardio-training followed by a free writing session (30mn) - then I do an info-dump so my head is clear enough to create instead of worry.

3 days in a row so far of this treatment and I feel a lot better.

I keep hearing horror story from my former colleagues, and other people at work, mainly because their managers have no restraint in the most inhuman (or plain stupid) procedure implementation or new budget restriction. It seems that some have to work overtime, but with a catch ... it will be unpaid - other have to move into smaller desk, and some other have to put up more abuse from their bosses or customer to keep the business afloat...

But why ?!

I mean if anything ... it seems that everything is falling apart - well, then ... let it fall.


Then new ways will arise (hopefully better than the present one) - let the old way of thinking sink for good, so we can start anew.


Being the unemployed underdog vs the big corporate World, doesn't seem to be that bad - the bigger they are, the harder the fall I'd say.

It seems that it's a big comedy like in The Adventures of Unemployed Man book 
Somehow to keep the economy rolling is to put more pressure  on the weak (the working force, the pawns), until they can't take it anymore, and I honestly think that the time is now :  most have reach rock bottom, enough to consider that there's actually nothing to fear or worry anymore... because the situation couldn't get worse anyway.

So no worry.

Oh, and one last note : the tip I've got for the "morning ritual" comes from 201 Ways to Arouse Your Creativity

Dreaming of zombies… again

Remember that song from the Cranberries Zombie ?

The message I get from this song is :  we should stop the violence inherited from the past generation (in our head) to break a bad cycle/habit, not to repeat the same destructive patterns over and over ... because this is the only logic you've been told, the only way you know how to behave.

This week peaceful demonstrators have been evicted by force from Occupy movement in many places and in the middle of the night.

Showing dangerous signs that the communication between parties is broken, that the record is repeating again, that there's no tangible actions toward resolution. Because showing (once again) violence as the only possible response is just plain wrong, it's like the 1% is trying to eliminate the inevitable discussion by suppressing the opponents (99% !?!) and this doesn't make sense.


An interesting article claiming that "We like zombies… because we are zombies"  says that now the zombies have no controller, they have no hope of ever being free.

Except the Wall Street zombies are controlled by Mammon (money). And they're after those who are still able to make a stand against the corrupted system generating (metaphorical) zombies in the first place.

I just watched this video and feel more Alive than ever before

Time to wake up

Waking up is tough every morning, sleep is so comfortable, it's so good to stay in bed, especially when what you're contemplating from your bed, is going to work for a corporate greedy monster, surrounded in public transportation with drone just like you with the same state of mind.

Well, one thing I'm quite happy about being unemployed is that now I'm free to wake-up whenever I want, ... I said that earlier in a post. That's one huge benefit.

Not having a sleep cycle interrupted violently by a monstrous electronic device pouring music in your hears without asking permission.

More than a year, without that "ceremony" is a blessing.

Now I wake up, because I want to get up and do something. The difference is so huge!

But what do you do when you "Wake up" naturally again ? you're start to rethink the whole process that you used to have before ... and you suddenly realized how inhuman it is. And then you remember when you were a kid, you also had to wake up for school, and when you asked why ? the answer was usually ... because you have to

Well, screw that! (pardon my French) I won't wake up unless I WANT TO!

And that's exactly what I'm doing right now! and I feel like I'm a Human again.

Alignment

Another dimension of the characters played in Role playing (Advanced Dungeon and Dragons AD&D) after his 6 attributes, was his "alignment" ... another puzzle for us (geek) back in the 80s. We had there a moral code associated with the character we played (Paladin being as I remember Lawful Good).

But intrinsically we would mostly play a Neutral character the same way - we would play a Good one, or a bad one, since as a kid we wouldn't really understand those concepts. Except maybe from the movies on TV that were really basic. Anyway, most of the scenarios or campaign we played at the time were about meeting in a tavern, find a quest, found a cave, a castle or a dungeons and enter then fight goblins, vampires and whatever we meet there. There was little or no place for moral dilemma.

So basically good guy looking-good (the paladin had to score 17 for Charisma) unselfish and brave and the ugly bad guy only interested by money, greed or revenge but was a coward  and usually scary.

Later I wondered why Evil existed in the first place, and I received this answer from another player "because otherwise we wouldn't have any adventures to play, you silly!"

And that's when life was simple, you now like back in the old days of Lawrence Harley.

Titanic

Modern world is full of contradictions,

But there so many contradictions in the modern world, it's like we're are going bipolar.

I mean it's all about doing things because we have to and being blame for it.

• you've got to get a car, but then you feel bad because you know you're polluting.
• you've got to get a job, but then you feel guilty because other people are still unemployed.
• you're told that being a christian is all about helping each other, and what you see is selfish people
• you're told to trust that the government is protecting the citizen, while people are getting arrested because they used their freedom to protest against injustices.
• you've got to buy cheap, but then you hear than the cheap product you buy are  made in Country that are exploiting their workers blatantly.
• you've got to refrain your urge for instant satisfaction, but you know easy temptations is just a click away from what you're currently doing.

Yeah, there's sooooo many temptations (TV, youtube, facebook, games, tweaking your system, having pointless conversation with friends, reading endless RSS feeds to be informed...) but then you feel empty after a while because you just felt like you've wasting your time.

What are we taught in Sunday school or by our parents ? to help people around, that war is evil, that we should love each other, to respect people, and then when we watch TV or go to the movies Hollywood is giving us a display of violent crimes, exploitation of women, ... basically exactly the opposite, because sex and gore is an assured profit and in today financial crisis everyone is looking for a good sell.

The censors are in a difficult position because usually when censorship strikes a polemic is created and it actually attracts more audience than before.


I feel the modern world is giving me a false sense of control over my life, while in fact the bottom line is simple : modern society is raising a generation of robots - You go to school to get a job, you manage to get a few job (that you usually don't like, but it's okay because nobody like his job), and after a while when you got tired of doing stupid job and obeying a boss, you want to taste a bit of freedom and then you realize your former friend colleagues are distant, and look at you like you're an outsider, an outcast.

So what's the most important thing in the World ?

Intelligence and Wisdom

Role playing was fun, and as I recall parties - I always regret the focus on fighting and conflicts in those games. There was 6 attributes as I recall for a character (Strenght, Intelligence, Wisdom, Dexterity, Constitution and Charisma).

But after a few campaign, any player would see that the most important of attributes was Strength and hit points, basically, making your character a Tank.

The main reason I think, was that since many players were teenager geeks, there was a fascination for being a strong barbarian, playing actually the bully that the player would fear in real life in school.

Playing a magic-user wasn't really fun, since there was a little chance to survive any fight - with only a few hit-points (a d4?!) and one spell, when level 1 - playing a cleric was a nice alternative, curing wounds, and playing the ambulance for the group was a good supporting job - but the fun, was to play the barbarian.

Maybe that's because of the Frazetta's portrayal of Conan, the idea of a brute entering a rage and a live berserk fury... Heck yeah, it was epic.

Now when a relatively smart person would play a barbarian, the berserker would be relatively smart and even if the "intelligent attribute" score was low ; he would behave smartly, the only disadvantage was that his number of spoken language would be lower ; which was completely ignore in many situation since we assumed in the heat of a party that everybody would speak "common".

Same for wisdom, if the player wasn't a complete tool, he would act wisely even if his score in Wisdom was low, the only penalty was for the saving-throw ... meaning little consequences as well.

The spiritual development of a character was negligible - only pure strength  was of importance, paradoxically ...

Now there would have been a lot of fun, developing system of healing, spiritual conflicts, psychological challenges, and  emotional rescue. Imagine that for a moment.

Hucha Mikhuy: "Theory: What is energy? What is energy healing?

What energy is worked with? Hucha and sami. Kawsay pacha is “the cosmos of living energy… it is comprised of only two basic energies: sami, which is light or refined energy, and hucha, which is heavy or dense energy.” (Wilcox, 30) “Sami suffuses the natural world, animating all living beings and imparting ‘power’ to natural objects and places where it accumulates. The more sami we incorporate into our energy body, the more effortlessly and fully we live in harmony and well-being with others and the natural world. Hucha, in contrast, is heavy energy, and it is created by human beings. Hucha manifests because we do not live in perfect ayni – reciprocity – with the kawsay pacha.” (Wilcox, 30-1)"

Criticism

I used to play Advanced Dungeon and Dragon (AD&D), rarely as a player but very often as DM (Dungeon Master) and I always found fascinating the mechanism of the game - having a quest, and a party listening to a made-up story and interacting in that invented place.

There were warriors, lost cities, thieves and magic ... and somehow we found a way to have fun, but this had a price, the DM had to learn and be fluent with the game's rules -- and that took times. I remember the first party when I had to flip several pages of the DM manual, and check a few tables during a particularly challenging situation with a lot of suspense ... it killed the buzz.

But overall, the more you played the better you became at enjoying the game, what pissed me off though, was some people trying to enforce the games rules, and cheat, the point of the game was to have fun -- and the buzz was killed by those players who had to be reminded of the rules, inevitably discussions ensued, and sometime bad players were banned... and it was a pain.

Or some parties were boring, sometime because the DM took too much time preparing his campaign and wanted to have the players follow a certain path.

Anyway it was a good game (probably still is .. I don't know never played the later editions), and has many benefits for teenagers, we learned to speak to a group, to entertain peers, and we developed our imagination sky high.

And the place for criticism in that ? it was a good thing, taking feedback along the way by interacting with the players -- for a DM it was the best.

It was like writing a short notes, and with the help of the players transforming it into a full book. And the DM had fun too, since even if he had prepared (as he thought) every eventuality - he would always be surprised by the (crazy) players and their strange ideas.


Forbidden visions...: You Get What You Give: How To Deal With Criticism: "After all you ll always have to do with people not just numbers, screen-names or machines, and people live by rules, right?"

Who is in control?

Are You an Addict? How to know if you are addicted to any particular "thing" is by answering the following nine questions about it... honestly:

1. Can you stop doing "the thing" you suspect/others have told you that you are addicted to for a day, a week, a month, a year, or forever?
   
2. Does the thought of your stopping doing "the thing" for a short time cause you any physical discomfort, mental anguish, or emotional anxiety?
   
3. Would your stopping doing "the thing" cause you to be "less yourself"?
   
4. Have you tried and failed to stop doing "the thing" in the past?
   
5. Do you know that doing "the thing" does not serve you and/or is causing problems in your life (at home, at work, in the community)?
   
6. Have you lost friends or alienated family members or irritated coworkers because you keep on doing "the thing" no matter what?
   
7. Have you or are you putting your life at risk by doing "the thing"?
   
8. Deep down inside, do you really want to keep on doing "the thing"?
   
9. Does "the thing" control you or do you control "the thing"?
   

And the Answer is: When you cannot stop doing "the thing". When the thought of what would happen by not doing "the thing" scares you. When "the thing" becomes who you are. When you keep failing at breaking free from "the thing". When "the thing" starts ruining your life. When "the thing" is more important to you than family or friends. When you consistently put your life at risk to do "the thing". When deep down you hate "the thing" but cannot let it go.
...Then, my friend, "the thing" is in control of you and you are an addict.

(from link) 
And I thought about Ted Williams known as the Golden Voice, his story is beautiful ; proving once more that people can get a second chance, and no matter what life is throwing at them - they can always re-bounce, keep faith and hope for a better life, because ... miracle still happens.
The problem is if you read the 9 points below and put "Alcohol" instead of the "thing" - then you think rehab will be "THE" solution.
Now try to replace it with "being a celebrity" and you've got another challenge, and replace it with "dealing with a lot of money and attention" you've got another problem.


Addictions are like matryoshka doll (Russian Doll), they stack up.

Unachievable Goals

The current society is setting unachievable goals for women, for men ...
What could possibly be the benefits of putting everyone into a permanent position of failure and frustration ... Just be yourself!



  
The supermodel Cindy Crawford once said "I wish I looked like Cindy Crawford!"

YouTube - Killing Us Softly 4: Advertising's Image of Women [Trailer] - Available on DVD

Jean Kilbourne, Ed.D. is internationally recognized for her groundbreaking work on the image of women in advertising and for her critical studies of alcohol and tobacco advertising. In the late 1960s she began her exploration of the connection between advertising and several public health issues, including violence against women, eating disorders, and addiction, and launched a movement to promote media literacy as a way to prevent these problems.

This!

How 2011 Made me a Cynic!

2011 so far ... 

• Jan 2011

100 tons of dead fish wash up on Brazil's shores-(Jan. 4)
At Least 8 Die in Australian Flooding (Jan. 10)
Bombing in Moscow Airport Kills at Least 35, Wounds 168 (Jan. 24)

• Feb 2011

Thousands of marine animals found dead in Mato Grosso do Sul/Amazon Region- (Feb. 4)
Arab Spring: Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak resigns (Feb. 11)
Earthquake Strikes New Zealand's Second Largest City (Feb. 22)

• Mar 2011

Massive 9.1 Magnitude Earthquake and Tsunami Devastate Japan (March 11)
Arab Spring: Libyan civil war (March 17)

• Apr 2011

Nuclear Incident in Fukushima (East Japan)(April 12)

• May 2011

Floods Force Evacuations Along the Ohio and Mississippi Rivers (May 5)
The European Union agree to €78 billion rescue deal for Portugal (May 16)

• Jun 2011

Flooding in Iowa Forces Hundreds to Flee (June 6)

• July 2011

New Mexico Wildfire Rages On (July 1)
76 people are killed in twin terrorist attacks in Norway (July 22)
Amy Winehouse dies

• Aug 2011

Hurricane Irene Hits the East Coast (August 27

• September 2011

Texas Experiences Record Breaking Wildfires (September 9)
Approximately 100 Kenyans are dead after a petrol pipeline explosion in Nairobi, Kenya. (Sept. 12)
Series of ongoing series of demonstrations in New York City (OWS)

• Oct 2011

Steve Jobs dies

source :

http://www.infoplease.com/news/2011/current-events/

http://baleta.blogspot.com/2011/03/natural-disasters-2011.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2011

Warning: Use These 5 Headline Formulas at Your Own Risk | Copyblogger: "There’s no doubt that my previous two posts on headline formulas have been extremely popular. But they’ve also caused me to take a lot of flack."

Fundamental change of the life

Not long ago everyone was waiting for "the Rapture" ; of course nothing happen, but it has an echo in our souls - our world is desperate for change!

If there's changes it only means things are going worse, unemployment, economic pressure, wars, injustices, sacrifices with have to do, and the daily stress of living a life of a soulless person.

Because our current society of plundering and absurd consumption - is  realizing that the "constant growth" paradigm is just not working anymore.

But how to make the machine stop ?

We are the zombies working in and for this imminent collapse, while everyone should stop what he's doing right now and stay put for a day or two, just to breath the air, and listen while he still can to the agony of a dying Era.

There are many alarms, many milestones that have been

There is not going to be any recovery. | The Zeitgeist Movement: "I’m just afraid that we might get to the point of no return and that bothers me to no end. We do all we can to avoid that condition. It’s clear that we’re on the verge of a great transition in human life. That what we face now is this fundamental change of the life we’ve known over the last century. There has to be a link between the economy and the resources of this planet - the resources being of course, all animal and plant life, the health of the oceans and everything else."

This is not some long depression that we’re some day going to pull out of. I think the next phase that we are going to see after the next round of economic collapses is massive civil unrest. When unemployment checks stop being paid because the states have no money left. And when things get so bad that people lose confidence in their elected leaders, they will demand change if we don’t kill each other in the process or destroy the environment.
I’m just afraid that we might get to the point of no return and that bothers me to no end. We do all we can to avoid that condition. It’s clear that we’re on the verge of a great transition in human life. That what we face now is this fundamental change of the life we’ve known over the last century. There has to be a link between the economy and the resources of this planet - the resources being of course, all animal and plant life, the health of the oceans and everything else.
This is a monetary paradigm that will not let go until it’s killed the last human being. The “in” group will do all it can to stay in power and that’s what you’ve got to keep in mind. They’ll use the army and navy and lies or whatever they have to use to keep in power. They’re not about to give it up because they don’t know of any other system that will perpetuate their kind.
 

A definite feeling

October has just started, 2011 is nearly over ... Leaves are already starting to fall, and I just discovered Alan Watts on Youtube.

This is better, than anything I've ever listened to, so far.

Better than coffee

Lately, I found a better way to get up early : I don't eat the previous evening.
Incidentally, it's amazing how eager I become the next morning to wake up early and have a breakfast.

This has 2 benefits, my weight is dropping, and I save a little money.

Otherwise still unemployed ... and proud of it!

Freelance or returning to a "normal" job

So far my experience as a Freelance is very mixed, on one hand I'm happy to be my own boss, and enjoy wearing the clothes I want, waking up the hour I want, eating while I want, and even having a little nap if I feels like one - I even walk barefoot in my apartment, and have a nice beard.

Since I've quit my previous job the stomach pain disappeared - Now, I have plenty of sleep and have a lot more energy - also because of cardio-training I'm doing every morning.

I even think that the allergies I usually had in spring was less intense than before, might be because I'm a lot more selective in the food I eat (less meat, less milk products, more fruits, more vegetables).

I worked as a clerk (more like a jack of all trade) full-time for a little more than twelve years in a big company (think HP).

Of course there was a fair bit of soul-searching involved in the decision to give up because I now have a young family. However, as a friend of mine said ‘You’ll never lie on your death-bed wishing you hadn’t given it a go’.

I'm living the dream now, or am I?

Actually, it's not all fun and play, mainly because when you Freelance, some client have a little tendency not to pay - the typical scenario is that when they need you, because their computer is broken they promise pretty much everything, but when it's fixed, then it's another story - they always find a way to postpone the payment, arguing that it was easy to fix, they could have done themselves etc ... and I may have to change my policy to ask them to pay upfront, but sometime honestly I feel more comfortable to let them breathe, but that's me I'm a bit too gentle - and always hate the kind that ask for the money straight away even before having a look at the computer damage.

I read somewhere that :

"When the voice and vision on the inside become more profound and clear than the opinions on the outside, then you have mastered your life"

And I think I start to understand what that mean, even though I'm complaining about payment issue, I have to assume part of that because it's the price to pay for being nice, and that's a part of me.

There's a long way for me ahead, but hopefully it won't be about returning to a normal job.

A new addiction

15 years ago connected with a 56k modem I was all excited discovering Nikki Tyler, and soon after Jenna Jameson, thinking about it always bring back a mixed feelings of guilt and sweetness , then broadband arrived and I discovered Jana Cova, Lux Kassidy and Jenny Poussin (on the left dressed as an "Seoni the Sorceress")



And I know that when I'm coming back to these ladies, it means I'm trying to escape from something in my life.

Escape from reality, escape from the tough coldness of the hard work ahead, the difficult decisions to make, the choice of being me.

And these saucy pictures always welcome me back.


I also think you have to laugh at yourself. Life is short...enjoy every moment!!

Keep consuming...

Recently I was thinking about my past job, and I realized that for the crappy products this company was producing, on a market prospective it wasn't a bad thing, since a faulty product generate more revenue in the short and long terms.

On the short term a bad product requires the customer to return to the shop, discuss with the staff directly or over the phone, if that's over the phone it's even better - since contacting a call-centre is a way to get some income from the phone-line, then a solution has to be found, sending the product to a repair centre, or adding new options (additional revenue for the store) etc ... Assuming the customer gets a replacement, or a refund - he's satisfied and will purchase again.

On the long term, a bad product will need the customer to buy a newer version, if it's a computer that's why every (more or less 3 or 5 years) you need to buy a new one - not because the previous one doesn't work anymore, but because you just need the newest version, to continue working ...

We (consumers) are spending loads of money either to get a newer product, or to fix the current one, you always need more stuffs (options, cable, add-ons, etc ...) and you're now hooked with a company - because everything is designed on this product to be incompatible with the competition... and that apply for laptop, mobile phone, digital camera, etc ...

But this absurdity works very well for many industries :

Let say you have a headache, you buy some medicine to cure it - but the pharmacist warns you that the product he just gave you will probably upset your stomach, then you come back a few days later with a terrible pain in the stomach, the pharmacist gives you some pills, but he tells you that this will cause some skin issues, you take the pill, return home - and return a few days later because you suffer from eczema then the pharmacist gives you a cream but warns you that this cream is likely to cause you headache ...

The system is made for you to consume more, and more - for every problem there is a new product that you need to buy to fix it.

The (only?) way to stop this madness is to stop buying ... to stop playing that stupid game...

Busty babes with big guns

Mystery

It has always been a mystery to me, in my teenage years when I was obsessively buying Marvel comics featuring women exhibiting perfect athletic figure to fight evil wearing capes over tight bras and high boots - that I couldn't really grasp the complete absurdity of it... it was like my brain was force shutdown by my adolescent hormones...

But to actually be the witness of a daily production of an incredible amount of busty babes in bikinis with big guns by many artists all over the world - it keeps me awake at night, to think that for us men, Lara Croft, Red Sonja, Ultra-Violet, Aeon Flux, sheena, Xena, Big Barda, Jean Grey, She-Hulk (etc ...) are the most attractive women figures, because they're sexy and deadly and the same time. This odd combination of sex and danger, that has this inexplicable appeal to us.

Drop the high heels

It's completely stupid, misleading and extremely obscene to be aroused by this kind of material - when you think about it (assuming you can put aside your teenage years). I mean seriously ... come on, seriously ?!!

If you're going to fight villains, at least wear a proper outfit and drop the high heels.


Yes, I'm talking about this fav.me/d33cv8b

No TV, No Car, No stress

Time is getting a bit more difficult now ; first it's been an Year already, and I'm still unemployed - people are starting to wonder ... It's my choice, I prefer to stay away from corporate jobs, I've been burned out and coming back into this kind of environment, I simply don't think I would be able to stay awake during meetings, or play along with the other colleagues pretending that Q2 needs to be more profitable than Q1 and that the financial crisis is still here and we need to make sacrifices...

Sure, I need to make sacrifices, but the big difference is that's my decision - for once I'm in control - and as far as now the sacrifices means no more car, no more Tv, that's the dark side - now on the good side there is a lot of learning, helping people around me, and enjoying a little more freedom, than before.

And I wouldn't trade that for anything in the world right now.

Things that I enjoy right now - a little wine during lunch followed by a little nap in the afternoon, being able to talk to my wife in the evening, no stress ... no deadlines, no meetings, no boring trainings to do or to prepare, no competition, less interruptions when I'm doing something.


Some more reading on the joy of being at home Funner At Home

Winning : rethinking the daily routine

Lately I'm trying to get rid of bad habits - like browsing the net for hours, and procrastinating ...

My daily routine (that I've carefully designed some months ago) is getting nowhere, and I'm pretty sure that if I'm setting up a nice work environment, I can have things done.


My initial idea, was that I'd start an account on blogger, facebook and even tumblr and some other website, to post some of my work - the end result, is I'm spending most of my time browsing and reblogging stuffs I like, instead of producing new stuffs.

What could I change in my life, that could make a tremendous change ?

I remember that question from a coach manager - Usually being so afraid of someone thinking I'm doing nothing I jump on the first thing to get me busy and ... end up getting very busy doing nothing.

Does this make any sense ? I think I should stop for a while, and disconnect ... maybe for a week or two. Last time, it helped ...

Time to re-read the "7th habits" a book written by Stephen R. Covey - and it has many good insights ; building a method or a series of habits designed to make you successful,  you've got to realize first that you're the programmer of your life, then you have to think of the program you want to run (the end result), then write it (that's the daily routine) and basically run the program.

Daily Challenges

When you're unemployed and therefor in complete control of what you could do at any moment given during the day - it's a blessing and a curse. It really depends how you are going to handle that Freedom of choice.

But what to chose ?


In the business world, everything you do is based on profit (pretty much) ; but if profit isn't a goal to pursue then what is the motivation ?

If I spend 2 hours learning "Java programming" or practicing "Tai Chi" in a park, I make a choice - if I stay in front of my computer browsing youtube or facebook, I'm following links and actually after a series of micro-choice (clicking other links) I end up spending 2 hours doing ... nothing.

But is it really nothing ? is it completely meaningful to click on links on the Internet ?
If you think about it, no .... the website you're browsing is making money with these links, and that means you're acting as a gentle benevolent drone generating revenue for them.
Which is fine, since they pay for storage, powering their servers etc ...

I said doing ... nothing because it's not a choice you made conscientiously : you never planned to spend 2 hours clicking and browsing, you just did it, you were passive.
Something else made the choice for you ... and it's the website (or specifically his design).

But if you learn a new programming language or you practice some sport, you make real choices - you live your life - we don't have much Freedom if we don't actually use it, we can pretend to be Free, but if we never experience this Freedom - what's the point ?

It's like saying I'm rich I have thousand of dollars in the bank, but if you never withdraw any money - then the money become a concept, an illusion ;  useful only to have a nice feeling of comfort but it's not real.

Dealing with addiction

I have to come clean on something, having some spare time (still being unemployed) and an Internet broadband access, sometime it gets out of control - I spend too much time browsing than working on actual stuffs, and this is getting ridiculous.

That's something you can't really fight efficiently ; I mean usually there's 2 scenarios :

• I wasn't looking for something "saucy" but there it is in front of me, because of some link I just clicked

Now the last way I found is actually to look at the offending picture and thinking "I respect you (dear woman), I acknowledge that you're a beautiful person and I appreciate what you're showing to me, I really hope you have joy in your life and you're happy to do what you do ... Thank you!"

• If I'm actively looking for something "saucy" because (I guess) I want a little "instant gratification"
  

Then I'm trying to remember that little story about the 2 wolves, that goes like this :

 An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life.

" A fight is going on inside me" he says to the boy.  "It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves.
One is evil - he is anger, envy sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego.
The other is good - he is gratitude, joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy ,generosity, truth, compassion and faith.
This same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather which wolf would win.

The old Cherokee simply replied, " The one you feed."

The best customers

Interesting week, I had some troubleshooting to do on an iBook G4, a good "old" Apple laptop (6 years old) - the little bugger has around 1 hour autonomy on battery (not too bad), run 10.4.11 and has a powerpc processor (it was before the big switch from Apple to intel processor).

The complaint the owner had was that the wacom tablet wouldn't work properly ... I couldn't fix the problem on the phone and decided to go there directly - after some testing it  appears that the tablet was working perfectly for Photoshop but not for Gimp - that's where my "spider sense" started to tingle a bit ...

Remember I said, the iBook G4 was running 10.4 - well, to run Gimp on this you need to have x11 installed, and the owner had it installed just fine from the original install DVD - the issue was that when in Gimp you tried to setup the wacom - it simply reported that there was "no extended input devices found" - even though the tablet was plugged and running fine for other application - Gimp would recognized it though somehow, but without the pen pressure.

At this stage we had gathered a good amount of information and I returned home - found out that x11.app for 10.4 can only be upgrade up to 1.1.3 and that the tablet support was only available after x11.app release  2.x (that would be available for 10.5 and 10.6)... I explained that to the owner, he was a bit disappointed and told me he would not upgrade (because the iBook G4 wouldn't probably be able to handle the upgrade (his words)), but he was used to this kind of behavior from Apple, and was planning to buy a new one anyway...

Apple customers are the best!

You have to remember that back in 2001, most of the Apple computer were running Mac os 9 and Apple was pushing really hard his customer to move to the brand new Mac os X - while in the same time, promoting the fact that the PowerMac G4 was better than other PC because it was powered by a powerPC processor (with the altivec ...). That was one huge switch, then later PowerPC were replaced by Intel Processor - there was another huge step forward, but each time it means all the software would need some sort of emulator (you had to run "Classic" to run your old Os 9 application in OS X) and all the new intel based application can't run on PPC powered Apple computer... which means you have to buy a new one... 

You really have to be pro-Apple to accept all these without complaining, I mean their machine are well designed, but they get obsolete quite soon (matter of 3-4 years). 

Now the conclusion to all this is ... it's good for the business.

School's memories

School was a real pain for me, one of my first memory of school was being beaten by 2 other kids and sand by forced into my mouth. I didn't really fit among other kids, was it because of my cheap outdated clothes or because I was not playing the same games.

What was I supposed to do in school anyway ? the idea of society to put kids in school, is probably a mix of putting them out of home in order to send the mothers back to work (or shopping) ; meanwhile the other function is somehow to teach some important stuffs to kids - but what happens most of the time, is the fear of being beaten, hurt or ridiculed, spoil the education part - because that's probably the experience all kids will get out of the school system.

Because of that most kids hates school, and I can understand them so well - being forced to listen to uninteresting topic given by unmotivated teachers, then being forced into another class, waiting for the day to end, for the misery to stop and bringing homeworks to do in the evening depriving the kid for some sleep ...


If the purpose was to teach, the most efficient way, would be to ask the kid what he would like to do when adult, and check his skills, then build a personalized education program for him, teaching him the basics, then tuning up later that program finding a balance between what the kid likes and what knowledges he still has to learn. And probably not to cram 40 kids into a room.

I mean if the undocumented goal is to create zombies, then it's a pretty good job the education system is doing.

Tale of one coffee

Modern unemployed life, it has his up and down, since this morning I've had many urges to rant and didn't ... Since 8am my wife has been getting a bit nervous, telling me that I'm acting like a lazy ass.

Okay, during the last weeks I've tried to go back to my programming experience because that would be a nice touch on my CV. When I was younger I really liked to program in Turbo Pascal and even if Pascal isn't very much in vogue,  I made up my mind to get some documentation on more modern language and choose python (?!) ... then the day after I found some old sources I had written back in 2003 in Java ... which reminded me, why I actually lost any interests in programming in the first place : too many options, arguments and counter arguments - and browsing on many forums I came to the same conclusion ... people are willing to learn to program, it's just that they don't want to invest their time in learning a language that will be obsolete soon, or is not really "in" ...

Thinking back in 2001 and earlier, I lost interest in programming, because after being pretty average in Pascal, there was a push from Borland to put object oriented theme in existing application - then there was a huge propaganda about C and C++ and then after managing more or less to code in C ... there was this new trend of putting everything for fancy windows, making any trivial "Hello World" program into a 60kb source code ....

Anyway, each time I'm really focused onto something, inevitably I kind of shut my ears a bit of the surrounding noises, because otherwise I can't concentrate ... and that makes my wife a bit tense, she was complaining that compared to her, I wasn't being active, which I counter argue simply by asking her to do less ... See yesterday she went shopping and came back with many heavy bags full of things we don't really need anyway ... and what triggered the whole situation and put her into such a bad mood, is that I wasn't fast enough to open the door when she rang (on top of that I have to say that I'm a bit ill these day from the common cold).

It's like she's doing everything and I (apparently) do nothing ; doesn't matter if I was in the middle of debugging or writing or designing something, for her I was doing nothing !

After lunch today, she came back to this silent ranting and told me (again) I had to be more active, and I really wanted to tell her she was annoying me ... but instead I went shopping (since she asked me earlier this morning to buy some mineral water bottles she didn't want to carry) - after I closed the door, I felt better, did the shopping I promised I would do, bought some nice flowers, brought back the mineral water ... and she had prepared coffee, which was nice and a good start ... but because the coffee was too hot, I thought I could also wash the dishes, and since then we're fine.

Being unemployed is hard, putting every family member into a difficult time, my wife think I'm inactive and lazy, I think she spends too much on things we don't need and put the family budget at risks - but it's also an opportunity to be nice with each other, and spend quality time, it's just one more challenge ...

I'll finish with an interesting post, that has some nice advices : Make Unemployment Work for You. Especially that first part about getting close with the family.

2011 Birds fall from the sky, Revolt in Egypt ... what's next?

So far, 2011 isn't a walk in the park!

There were those mysterious death of birds, cattle and fish that nobody was able to explain (as far as I know)

And now there are riots and chaos in Egypt - and the next months look already grim.

It's like everything is going to collapse, and we can hear almost anything and its opposite, almost everyday in the medias.

I had the chance to listen to the Zeitgeist Moving Forward documentary - and I was glad to see they were asking the good questions. The capitalist system is obsessed by producing and consuming more and more, because it depends on a constant progression - the stock have to go up, the workers have to work overtime, the cars have to be more powerful, the new computer need to run newer version, everything has to be replaced in order to generate a new sell...


But then it become disturbing when you realize that sickness, drugs, crime and wars are actually a blessing for this system because it generates revenue... 

Now is a critical point in time, when the mass have to think differently ; since the governments all over the world are apparently not able to offer solutions -  and are losing people's trust.


And then some Utopian are starting to talk about building new society with no money and even no government. Why not ?!