From times to times my porn addiction is pointing her head - and I feel the urge to watch a bit of porn.
Why is it a bad idea
In today's world it's very very easy to find porn - porn is everywhere - the discipline required on a daily basis is constantly challenged.
But let see first the reason why the porn addiction is re-emerging ; when life starts to feel like nothing is going nowhere, where I'm frustrated with people, or my job and I need a little gratification...
It could also be that I've caught a glimpse of a pornstar I've particularly enjoyed - but usually I just send her lots of love and move on.
Frustration
The real problem is frustration, might it be accompanied with procrastination, laziness, or lack of motivation - if the discipline is still there, there's no chance that I'll fall for this appeal.
Now that I'm thinking about it, there is a second problem .. the force of habits ; but it could be counter by returning at the place where I found help and support (nofap forum).
Fapping isn't the enemy - the real problem is the lack of desire for conscious living.
Because let's be honest for a minute Pornography is just lies, illusion, smoke and mirrors...
Illusion
The minute you realize that women don't actually enjoy what is happening to them in porn movies - they just pretend to feel pleasured but the truth is .. Porn is just about money .. and by watching pornography I was part of the problem. I wasn't forced to watch these scenes, I did it willfully at first, and then because of the habits - but then I realized all the downside of it, I felt awkward around other people, I had many flashbacks when talking to people or during classes - and it sucked my energy.
Energy sucking
Of course being younger I didn't felt that it would be such a problem but always feeling tired, and down was actually putting me in a loop - because I was still looking for some kind of gratification - that I could only find in fapping. And that's a very difficult trap to escape from, but it's like all addictions really - some drastic changes have to be made, but lucky me I found nofap forums and they helped greatly. Now and then, I help some other fapstronaut back too.
Where I am now
Like I said in the introduction, from time to time I have the urge again - and sometime I give in, but there's a price to pay - which makes me deliberate really hard, to see if that is worth it - and more and more the decision is a strong NO, because that's not worth it. And I would prefer to meditate 20mn instead.
I wish one day, the world will be porn-free, I wish nobody would fall into the porn addiction trap ever again - love is the answer, and love can exist without sex - one night, I was struggling really hard, and discover that I had a feminine side deep down, and that was the part of me I was being rude and negligent, and I felt remorseful, I felt sorry .. that without knowing I had hurt a part of myself for so long.
Being in peace as a human being is being at peace with his male and feminine aspect - and that is the lesson I've learned from nofap.
